Blogging is hard.

Today I'm going to bullet point a project that I'm working on. In Helvetica!

Video Games and Morality's Effect on Immersion.

(working title I guess.)

So here are the elements I've been examining:

- The different ways that game developers create a completely unique (on a good day), immersive gaming experience. (FPS, Decision-based games, realistic violence, 3D design etc etc etc)

- The use of moral dimensions in decision-based games to create a more immersive gaming experience-- and how it fails to do so.

- What elements are more effective at creative immersive gameplay and why.

It all has to do with your world vs. the world the game developers have created for you.  They're both separate (but equal) universes that exist on different planes of reality. One being virtual, on a single disk (or 12 if you have an XBox HA!), the other is "our" (quotations important) living breathing plane of reality (so one is more equal than the other). 

In the section where certain elements of morality in video games makes the experience more immersive I'll primarily use the comparison of Lara Croft and Nathan Drake.  Both popular and attractive "archeologists" that have recently been pitted against one another as not just marketing ploys, but as literary tropes. As a result, developers of the new Lara Croft game are specifically targeting not only Lara's past flaws as a gaming icon (the iconography*, they argue, actually impedes on the immersive experience. Interesting!), but the flaws of her male market rival, Nathan Drake.  Drake, who after one Uncharted game series installment immediately shows up Croft in personality, physical ability, attractiveness (from a character model design standpoint, duh), and ratings.

The developers of the next Tomb Raider installment seeks to break down Croft in front of the players; humanizing her, and overall just making you feel downright bad for her (that's where morality comes in). <<< The result, they hope, is that Tomb Raider will be more original and immersive as ever.  The two universes (yours and the game's) are forced to collide, thus immersing you as a player.

Two other games that do this are Heavy Rain and Shadow of the Colossus. I don't know if I'll have a lot of space to discuss them, but I'll prolly post that section here in addition to the rest. And I'll cover their significance in a later post.

At the same time, and I'll have to do more research on what Naughty Dog has to say about Croft and Eidos, Naughty Dog is breaking down Drake more and more each installment. He's never going to be the unrealistic demi-god that is Lara Croft. In fact, part of me feels that the villain (Katherine Marlowe) of Drake's next adventure is a sort of nod to Croft... which is pushing it... a lot, I know, but I see the connections and I roll with them.





(sorry about the formatting!)

As an aside, what makes Croft (somewhat) more interesting than Drake, is that she's a character all on her own, whereas Drake, has often been described as a cross between Han Solo and Indiana Jones. Not that I'm knocking Drake in the LEAST, he's incredible... trust me.  I'm extremely excited to see our Croft Demi-god turn into the female "every-man" character I've been hoping to see more of.

*did I use that word right?

Some history on the Croft legacy

Uncharted: Drake's Fortune trailer
Uncharted 2: Among Thieves trailer
Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception

See what I'm talking about the progression of VULNERABILITY. I'm so vulnerable, you'd think I was ruur'l!  immersion! yay!

Probably another project altogether. Vulnerability = "believability."

Wabi-Sabi

Enjoying the simplicity of old things?

Maybe this is why I'm positively obsessed with haikyo.

People like to pretend that Japanese culture is simply impossible for foreigners to understand.  I would say that it isn't, but I also haven't been there.  BUT!  At the same time, part of understanding another culture is abandoning your own predetermined ideas of how the world works, or rather, should work.  Cultural relativism people. It's cluttering your mind.

I suppose it's in a similar vein with all this talk of "feelings."  People also carry the burden of "emotional relativism," which probably isn't a real word.  I would equate understanding and empathy with the ability to understand another culture. 

Heeeyuaah!

You know, the world is a very big place, and it's not just likely, but in the scope of the universe humans are very very very insignificant.

Yet for some reason, I continue to strive for relevance.  Because at least on a personal scale, I might be able affect people's lives in some way. 

Which is to say, if they let me.

"You Know When It's Real."

Maybe it's okay to post about my real life considering no one actually reads my blog anyway.

But real life is complex.

It involves real people, with their own real lives and their own real privacy that I'm not willing to violate.  I can write in a journal with all my deepest darkest feelings pouring onto the page.  Future readers might think I'm melodramatic, or they might cry with me.  Of course, under the condition that someone might actually read it.  And in all likelihood, no one will.  TLDR.

But as a kid, I had the tiniest hope that if I died early, someone would pick up my journal and suddenly really genuinely care about what I was feeling at that moment.  Something that even to this day is terribly rare in my life.  I had to learn, in order to cope with life, that people will never understand your deepest darkest innermost feelings, and I later learned that it's okay. But something that I've always wanted people to understand is that something I've always wanted was to know someone completely. And in knowing them, they, too, would know me.  Platonic or romantic.

In this quest you'll find that people are usually very busy.
Too busy, in fact, to understand the importance of understanding.
The importance of empathy. 

How comforting it is to tell someone everything you've ever needed to say without having to worry about how the other person feels.  Interconnectedness in its most complete form.  It's the most warming sensation to be able to trust someone completely.

But at the same time, people are scared of it because it forces you into a realm of vulnerability.  How can I trust someone with everything I am? 

Well that's life.  All great thing have to come at some sort of sacrifice.
Even if doesn't last a lifetime, it's totally worth fighting for.

Studying

I have an incredible aversion to studying.

Terrible terrible...

In fact, as you'll see in the time stamp, I should be asleep, and I should have finished studying several hours ago. And yet... I have note even begun. I know the material, I suppose, but the longer I postpone sleep, the more trouble I'll have recalling the information I collected whilst in class.

I hope I get an A.

Blogging... In General.

Popular media likes to play up the concept of blogs and "blogging."

Like, "ANYONE can spread their message! Blogging is a grassroots revolution in news making and the spread of ideas, it fuels globalization!" That's a made up quote, but I don't really feel like it's an exaggeration of what the news channels and books about blogging are actually saying.

They haven't noticed, or simply ignore the fact that one needs a massive reader base to get their "message" out. Be it everyday ramblings about their life, political views, general news, celebrity gossip, or information on the way someone lives their life (like a soldier's wife's blog, or someone studying overseas). They have to update often and well, to retain their reader base

The MAJORITY of "bloggers" are people like me. People with little to no readers regardless of content. It becomes more and more difficult everyday. Especially for someone like me, specifically, because I really don't have anything interesting to say. I don't write about interesting things, and I don't lead an especially interesting life. I could write about all of my problems, and the drama that surrounds me every day. But that would not only demoralize my character, but would also dwarf the gravity of these problems. "Here is a painful memory, and/or event. I'd like to talk about it, but only with strangers. I'm also going to write about it... Writing it will make you able to empathize with my specific problem, even though you don't know me, or the people around me." But I lead such a fortunate life that writing about my "problems" would make me hate myself!

I understand that a lot of people don't have people to talk to, and need an outlet for their issues, but I do have people to talk to, and it undermines the friendships I hold dear.

In essence, a blog, for people like me, is really about jotting things down. You're bored and you have something you'd like to say, or you're feeling creative and need an outlet. Or something bizarre happened (or you have a "bizarre" thought), but you can't call anyone because it's incredibly late and you can't wake them up for something so silly and insignificant. But it HAS to be said!

So this is for people like me, who lead uninteresting, but otherwise good lives, and who blog because they simply can.

Last night I had a dream where I lied about something and did it really horribly. I wonder what anxieties about my ability to lie says about me as a person...

La Roux

I bought her self-titled album.

I like it.

Could I ever have hair like that?  NO!  I'm so not rad enough.  I have a round chin, but a square head. CURSE MY MIXED RACE DNA!  A genetic nightmare.

I'll live vicariously through rad electronica music, and dream of rad flock of seagulls hairdos with wild colors.

But pretty soon, I'll have crazy long hair, and wear it like a viking.

Future me is rad as FECK!

But I'll probably end up looking more like this:

Images courtesy of "internet"

Also, this is my future with Teej:

Just throw in some kung-fu shoes and maracas.

The future is RAD.

Cats love to poop!

So I have two cats. Killer and Baxter.

Baxter is about 10 years old and Killer is probably around half his age.
Both are relatively cute.

But you see, Baxter is also horrible.

He's territorial, and frightens Killer so much at times, that she "evacuates" all waste, wherever she might be.

This includes my parent's brand new white couch.  Why they would even fathom getting a white couch for my dirty family to sit on is beyond me.

It gets used excessively in that my little sisters spend literally their entire time at home on it, and switch between shows about teen psychics and haunted homes, and CSI:  Miami and Vegas.  If Teej and I want to watch a movie, it's the end of the goddamn world because one of my little sisters shouts: "I NEVER GET TO WATCH TV." "I'VE BEEN WAITING TO WATCH TV ALL DAY." "YOU ALWAYS WATCH TV." 

For the record, I don't like watching TV, and if I'm even at home, I'm resigned to my room doing awesome things like awrts and cwafts, and day dreaming, and thinking up movie ideas (hoping to execute them after getting AN EXTERNAL HARD DRIVE), and doing science, and if I'm having an exceptionally good day: playing video games. I'm not looking forward to their summer vacation, let's put it that way.  I do love The Mentalist though.  I can talk all damn day about The Mentalist.  Only, they keep saying Simon Baker's blonde, but he very clearly has red hair.  I wonder WHY.  Society, accept beautiful red hairs and LOOK AT HIS FACE.  "Chiseled by angels" as my cousin would say.

Oh yes, this was a story about cat poop.

Simon Baker takes me places, let's just say that.

So after my eldest sister "Crispy" [The Social Worker and Paragon of Sisterhood] became fed up with cleaning the cushions on the couch, she stormed up to me and said:  "The cats WILL STAY OUTSIDE, I'M TIRED OF CLEANING SHIT."
You can't argue with something like that.  Especially when I start dry heaving at the sight or smell of fresh cat excrement.  So all I could say was: "Baxter is fragile."

Now, I don't like Baxter.  But for some reason he follows me around and sleeps with me, so I have to feed him and change his litter.  We have a tumultuous relationship, but it kind of feels like he's my familiar when he follows me around everywhere, except when he tries running through my legs while I'm walking up the stairs.  People, you don't know the meaning of "HULK, SMASH" until your life is in danger and it's you or kitty.

But Crispy conceded to my sterling argument and bought two types of kitty REPELLENT.  It doesn't solve the problem of Baxter being the worst cat in the world, but at least she won't have to pick up Killer's poop off the white couch anymore.

One is called "Pet Organics: No Stay!  Furniture spray for cats."  Not only does it not work, but Killer actually found the smell to be pleasant.   "Oh how soothing."  She emotes.   

So we bring in the heavy duty stuff.  Killer sniffs it and says "Um, no no." and runs away.  Bingo.

I spray the next stuff on the couch: "Boundary: indoor/outdoor cat repellent pump spray. Helps keep dogs away too!"  It's on, and I'm like PEW! Then "OH GOD. OH-OH GOOOODDD!"
"It came in a wave"  Teej says.
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!"  Says me.
"Hmmm...  Well, on that note, time to leave!"  And he bolts.  As I'm typing this, I can smell it from about 20 feet away.  My lungs hurt and I'm pretty sure much of it is in my nasal passage.

So I look at the bottle "HAZARD TO HUMANS AND DOMESTIC ANIMALS."


It turns out this shit is HIGHLY TOXIC.  "ENVIRONMENTAL HAZARD, DO NOT APPLY DIRECTLY TO WATER." 

What!?

The horrible smell is still there, but considering it's now a "human repellent" too, maybe I can get my little sisters to finally play outside.

That's the moral to the story I guess.

Use horrible, harsh chemicals to keep all living things at bay.  This way, you can get loved ones away from awful television shows.

In Soviet Russia, bad jokes... are bad jokes.

Fashion

So is it totally unfashionable to post twice in one day?

I'm writing a list of all the things I can do throughout the day, so I don't sleep in all the time.  Having nothing to do is awful.  Truly awful.

But also, Teej comes home tomorrow, and this is extremely exciting.  He got to visit all his Scandinavian family in Chicago Land or something.  I don't have Scandinavian family to visit.  I'm just the girlfriend right!

Just wait, when Teej and I get murried, he's going to have a bunch of Cuban family to visit.  Thanks to H'Obama, we can all go like a big beautiful family, and he can see the glorious pristine Cuban beaches and monster crabs that plague the streets.  Crab Battle.

Blogs

My BEST friend started a blog about how much I suck.  If I knew where to find it, I would link it.

Something about sucking knuckleballs.  A baseball term, but it was pretty funny at the time.

"Stiffany Suxx"

Especially when you're eating Taco Bell.

Maybe someday I'll have an interesting thing to say on this blog. 
 

110mph, 7 am, up 485, XM 51, goood times.

I remember when people were happy to work at IKEA... Now they have an attitude and my useless stuff buying experience is marred.

I had a friend named Air when I was 15. When his fished died, I got him a new one and named him Wind.

I like to go to makeup and body care stores and using every sample available and never buy anything. At Sephora, i used about $100 worth of makeup. real talk.

Alone at school again. Soaking in the beautiful weather and eating a tragically watery sandwich.

When people don't mention your haircut, in my experience, it's usually because they don't have anything good to say about it.

Apocalypse, NAO!

Yeah, after that last post I found a bunch of books the US GOVERNMENT wrote on the effects of nuclear blasts and survival guides on nuclear, chemical, or biological attacks.
I must AQUIRE them.

Here's my post-apocalyptic survival book list (Take note, I haven't actually read any of them yet, but as I get to them, I'll review them... since you know, I live in a nuclear wasteland and can test the practicality of each book.):

• U.S. Armed Forces Nuclear, Biological And Chemical Survival Manual, by Dick Couch

• Emergency Food Storage & Survival Handbook: Everything You Need to Know to Keep Your Family Safe in a Crisis, by Peggy Layton

• Crisis Preparedness Handbook: A Comprehensive Guide to Home Storage and Physical Survival, by Jack Spigarelli

• How to Survive the End of the World as We Know It: Tactics, Techniques, and Technologies for Uncertain Times, by James Wesley Rawles

• Effects of Nuclear Earth-Penetrator and Other Weapons, by the Committee on the Effects of Nuclear Earth-Penetrator and Other Weapons and the National Research Council

• The effects on humans of world-wide stratospheric fallout from a nuclear war and from nuclear tests by Charles Shapiro

• NUCLEAR WAR SURVIVAL MANUAL, PROTECTION IN THE NUCLEAR AGE by FEMA

• Nuclear Emergency: How to Protect Your Family from Nuclear Radiation, Fallout and Terrorism by Ken Larson

PFFFFT.

There's like a billion more, but really, unless you have a specialty in nuclear science and live near a well stocked bomb shelter, you're pretty much done for.

Apocalypse NOW!

Not that I've seen the movie.

But I need to find more books on post-apocalyptic scenarios!

They tend to be very good... You know, all two of the ones I've read (The Road, and Z is for Zachariah). But post apocalyptic movies, which I've seen more of comparatively, tend to be interesting at worst, although typically stupid regardless. I can't properly enjoy them without some scientific explanation. A good, thorough scientific explanation as to why everyone, but (this guy) and (this guy) and maybe (these people), are still alive, and why the hell everyone is suddenly remarkably dangerous. And by "good" I mean scientifically plausible. This thing should be comparable to The Zombie Survival Guide. Maybe the chance that either of those scenarios would actually happen is nil, I would still like to lay in comfort knowing that I may be prepared.

That's a half joke though, I think stories become really really amazing when they allow the laws of the natural world to limit their creativity. I believe that under pressure, an artist can make something really really amazing. They're usually lackadaisical and tend to require a considerable amount of prodding and threatening to make anything worthwhile. The shackles of the scientific world are definitely good at that, but an artist would also instantly gain my respect if they too respected the laws of nature by doing intensive research on the subject matter.

Like a Nuclear Winter. [It's a proper noun now.]

It seems like Metro 2033 is the only book I know of where the majority of people retain at least some form of civility. Besides the Fallout video game series [which is possibly a book series], but a video game without safe places or allies would seem boring to me, so its fine in that department, although Fallout has major problems in other areas.

For example, I've seen Blast From the Past about a dozen times at least, and I'm pretty sure Christopher Walken mentioned that nuclear fallout usually dissipates after 30 yeeaars... after 200 years either everything that ever was should be gone [cram, sugar bombs, nuka-cola (basically all food manufactured prior to bombing), Rivet City(especially)] or people should have their shit together already.
And if Moriarity and Tenpenny could cross the atlantic all the way from the UK to D.C. [which implies that at least some vehicles work] I think things are going pretty well everywhere else.

You know what, none of this matters, I'm just bored and I'm craving another post-apocalyptic book to read.

Jacksons Java is this really amazing coffee shop with a great atmosphere, where lots of students go... To sit separately and never speak to one another.